My Life Will Be Changing.

My baby, my precious only son will be moving out soon! He has been living with me for only 29 years (wink) except for a disastrous year out at university where he would come home every weekend.

I have been a single parent to him from the word go. I can remember a friend coming to stay to help me for the first week of bringing him home from the hospital. After two days, I found myself asking her if she would mind going as I just had to get on with it! Now I can see, looking back, that it was because I just couldn't handle having someone else around for that length of time.

So we made it through. Me with undiagnosed Asperger's and him with some kind of derivative of ASD. I used to watch him spinning the wheels of his toy cars for hours, wondering why he was so complex compared to other peoples' kids, dealing with very strange (what I now know were meltdowns) reactions to peculiar things, like being terrified of shiny tinsel curtains for example.

I was diagnosed last year and my son came along with me. He is the person who knows me best.
Judith Gould strongly advised him to try to get a diagnosis via NHS due to his age and funds etc.
He has not, partly due to not wanting an official label and partly from not wanting to take that step.

Anyway I am digressing (as per usual).

He is moving out with his partner who has been living with me for approximately 18 months.

This leaves me facing living totally on my own again for the first time in at least 29 years!

One could say I feel exhilarated, terrified, and excited all at once. It is like having a shot in the arm. I needed a change.

I am so full of plans, especially things I want to do at home, things I have procrastinated about for  years. Not so much things outside the home. My life consists of a 10 mile radius and that is how I like it. I make no apologies after all these years thinking I "should" want to do what other people do, eg. travel, go out to be sociable etc.

Yesterday I was sharing this with someone and they asked how I felt about the fact I would be living on my own. I told them that was the strange thing about how my AS manifests, I hardly ever feel alone. It is as if I have co.mpany all the time, what with my brain watching me, commenting on everything that is going on. A sense of self sufficiency. A world within a world.

So that is it for now. A quick update. It will be interesting to see just how well I do get on.

Sunday Grump from Grumpsville.

Ugh. It has been one of those days when I just haven't achieved anything.

Just seem to feel so tired and off at the moment. I just had a week off work and am due back tomorrow. Much as I enjoyed being at home (and I did very much), I have missed the people I work for and the chat.

I don't have any friends as such these days so chatting with them is really the most contact I have.
I do have chats with my sister, who is very supportive, but she is busy and well I seem to have grown out of having long conversations on the phone.

I think post Christmas is a bit like post influenza. Everything is a bit bleeurgh. As I write all this, I have in the back of my mind a nagging thought that I should be grateful (I am really) and to think of all the people who have had their homes destroyed by floods, so why should I be complaining that I feel a bit down in the dumps. Well there doesn't seem to be much I can do about any of these things, so I just have to cope within my small sphere, do the least damage I can and a bit of good (while trying not to drive those around me insane).

The most productive thing I have done today is create a door wedge. Yep, it is that boring. But I am satisfied that I did not give up. Bit of a long story but I will keep it brief. I have an old cat who if he is let wander at night goes around howling but doesn't appear to want or need anything.

After weeks of broken sleep, I decided he was best shut in the sitting room, with his tray, water and food. Trouble is, because we had to shut the door, it ended up splitting our broadband cable! You couldn't make it up really. So after having a broadband engineer out to fix it, I had to come up with another way of keeping him in. Hence opening a cupboard door in the hall and wedging it so he cannot open that.

The wedge I bought was not tall enough and kept sliding under the door. So I spent ages building it up with double sided sticky tape and then covering that with black masking tape. Finally I ended up with something that hopefully will work.

As I write this, I can imagine the horror of the cat lovers online. How cruel I am to shut him in blah blah. This is the trouble with my Asperger's. Every thought or action is crowded out by a thousand impressions and accusations of guilt. It is bloody annoying and why I find it hard to write anything.

Anyway I am having an early night tonight and hope to wake up a bit more with it.

The delights of Acid Reflux

I read in Rudy Simone's profile of an adult woman that many people with the syndrome suffer with Acid Reflux. I forget the percentage but it was quite high if I remember correctly.

Now I am not sure if there is an additional link to the types of food eaten too. Mine appears to be quite random but if I think of the times I seem to get it more, it relates to carbohydrates, definitely chocolate (see new year resolutions) and after eating stuff like pizza, which I don't do that often.

My problem is that as soon as I stop eating something I use to moderate my moods, then I am instantly looking for a replacement. Hence yesterday when I could no longer eat chocolate, I was casting around for something else to eat. As I was buying chocolate for my son and his LO (loved one), I ended up grabbing a pack of mini sausage rolls!!

I also bought some bread and soup for my tea.  I am determined to get back on my low carb eating plan on Monday, so as an alcoholic who is having to get on the wagon, I found myself wanting to eat things for the next couple of days.

After cramming several of these sausage rolls in, together with the soup and bread, I had no idea of the delights I was in for.

I hadn't been asleep for long when I awoke to the sensation of wanting to be sick and a mouth full of a stinging acid type of liquid. I jolted up and spent ages swallowing and gagging at the burning in my poor old throat. My heart was pounding loudly and I was sweating.

Trying to calm myself down took a lot of effort. I spent the rest of the night sitting up and dozing as I was too scared to lie down again.

This morning I awoke with a pounding headache and feeling as if I had been run over by a steam roller.  It was around 10.30 which is really late for me.

I was in no fit state to do anything, so curled up on the settee with the cat and dozed. When I woke again it was 1.45 pm. Still a terrible headache but the sick feeling was gone.

It is now nearly 6 pm and I am feeling a bit better.

So here are a few more NY resolutions.

1. Don't eat sausage rolls you fool.

2. Don't eat anything after 7 pm on a weekend night.

3. Don't ignore what your poor old body is trying to tell you.

The Old Aspergian in 2016

Happy New Year to all my fellow Asperger's people out there and Happy New Year to all you Normals ( wink).

So my new year resolutions are many as usual.

1. Write in my blog, even if it is waffle.

2. Give up chocolate.

3. Lose some weight for my dear son's up and coming wedding to his loved one.

4. Save as much money as possible towards my retirement.

5. Don't buy any more bits and bobs unless they are essential.

6. Stop wandering around looking at kitchen gadgets!

7. Try to recognise my obsessions for what they are - Asperger's.

8. Stop deciding the world is as according to my view.

9. Try to put to bed old hurts and bitterness. (Tough this one)

I am not putting in number 10 as it will spoil the look of the list.