In Praise of Dr Judith Gould of the Lorna Wing Centre

http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/diagnosing-complex-needs/about-the-lorna-wing-centre/our-staff/dr-judith-gould.aspx

I have put this link in, so you can read about Dr. Gould. I feel so honoured to have had her diagnose me, especially as she is now mostly retired.

Getting back to March, when I stopped writing my blog, I was fixating on the idea that I was not really as Aspie, just an imposter, and a really horrible person too. I think most autistic people get these episodes where you just go into a fog of horribleness. It is hard to describe just what you are feeling. I like to describe it as being in a room with no doors or windows and feeling such bleakness that nothing can get in and nothing can get out.

Anyway, it was during this bleak time, that I picked up the phone and rang the Lorna Wing Centre.

I explained to the lovely lady on the phone (Jo Parker) just why I was ringing, how I felt that no-one seemed to believe that I could have Asperger's as I seemed so "normal" (Ha!). Just try being with me for more than a couple of hours!!!!

It took a little while to sort out, but eventually I had my date set and it was just a case of waiting for it to arrive.

Arrive, it did, last week. Me and my son made the journey to Bromley South to go to the clinic.

We had lunch in a darling café. Greasy spoon type, but quite honestly, one of the finest meals I have had in a while.

Then it was time to head back to my appointment with Dr. Gould. I was very nervous but she put me so much at ease that I was soon able to relate to her my experiences growing up, my memories, my disastrous work experiences and my even more disastrous romantic experiences! In short, I was totally honest. The truth. How things had panned out for me.

At the end of it all, she sat back and told me the result. She had no doubt that I completely fit the pattern and profile of an adult woman with Asperger's syndrome.

She told me that it was not my upbringing that had caused it. It had been there when I was born and that my experiences I described to her (in particular the Roman Catholic stuff) would have been the very worst kind of incidents for a child with Asperger's to go through.

The relief was enormous. This lady has been diagnosing people for 35-40 years so she must really know her stuff.

I am so pleased that I got to see her. She was so warm and understanding.

So that's it really.  I am officially the Old Aspergian!

Yes - You are definitely an Aspie!

I have been on a long break from my Blog. I am sorry Blog, but I just was not sure if I was entitled to be writing you.

You see, I had a diagnosis of Asperger's which was done via Skype with a lovely Australian psychologist called Tania Marshall. At the time, I felt a sense of relief and confirmation that yes I am on the autism spectrum. In time though, the doubts started to creep in.

So I decided that I would get a second opinion and this time I would go in person and that if it was confirmed, then I would have to believe it. I think I may always carry a tiny bit of doubt, but maybe that is part of my Asperger's manifesting.

The other reason is that when I had shared my diagnosis with a few chosen people, they seemed very surprised and a few commented that I didn't seem as if I had it. So, like a dog with a bone, this thought would not leave my mind. As in most matters in my life, I take the view that others are right and I am wrong, wrong, wrong.

As Tubbs said to Edward on The League of Gentlemen. "My insides are all wrong". ;)