I find it extremely hard to have and especially own an opinion. Every opinion I feel I am forming brings the Quartet rushing forward.
The Quartet are:-
- The Essence of me which is forming and re-forming continuously.
- The Observer.
- The Machine/Computer
- The Commentator.
They are not people in the sense of multiple personality. I know that. I suppose they must be different parts of my brain which operate simultaneously.
For example. I will be having a conversation with someone. The Essence will be saying "Come on now, this requires concentration, you had better listen closely". The Observer will just watch over the whole conversation, making notes and observations to be dissected later.
The Machine/Computer will then start to fling random thoughts, memories, sensations and an incredible urge to share all these thoughts.
Meanwhile The Commentator just, well commentates! It comments throughout the conversation, on how the person I am talking to appears, how I must be appearing to them, cue the appropriate facial expression.
It is all so exhausting sometimes.
Afterwards the conversation has to be pulled apart. What did I say? Was it appropriate? Did I give the person sufficient attention? Did I come across as a know all? Was I too honest? Did I offend them in anyway? What was that strange look that went across their face?
As I write this, The Quartet are busy at work. My brain is zigzagging and it seems impossible to follow any one train of thought.
Recently I asked a lady I know how her brain felt to her?! She told me that if she has to do something, she focusses entirely on that and nothing crowds in.
I find it hard to believe that I have Aspergers. I feel I am unentitled to have a reason to be the way I am. This morning there was a post on Samantha Craft's blog "Everyday Aspergers" and then I thought "Yes, this is it. This is Aspergers" and for today I am comforted .........
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