Isn't Anyone Trying to Find me?

Those are some words from a song by the poptress Avril Lavigne.

"Isn't anyone trying to find  me?
Wont someone please take me home?
It's a damn cold night,
Trying to figure out this life,
Wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new.
I don't know who you are but
I, I'm with you"

For some reason, this song sums up how I felt growing up with Aspergers. I did all the normal things that teenagers do. I rarely hung out with a group though, tending to just have one female friend at a time.

If my friend could not go out, then I would go alone. I must have seemed quite odd looking back.

I never felt comfortable though. It was a feeling of incompleteness. That I did not belong and that I must be on the lookout to see if someone recognised me. I don't mean me as in people I knew in real life. No, it was more of a feeling of having fallen out of a nest and having been put back in the wrong one. That's a funny way to describe it I suppose.

Or, a bit like ET left behind and his new existence filled with ways of trying to get back home.

Only I did not know where home was and I made myself very vulnerable to predatory men who I bumped into on my lonely walks. I really was so gullible its untrue. It makes me cringe to think of how trusting I was, how I believed that people cared about "me".  I thought that love happened in an instant.

The sad thing is, that despite the years, I am still the same inside. If I dared to let someone into my sphere, then I would be right back at square one. A young girl full of naivity. (sp).