My Life Will Be Changing.

My baby, my precious only son will be moving out soon! He has been living with me for only 29 years (wink) except for a disastrous year out at university where he would come home every weekend.

I have been a single parent to him from the word go. I can remember a friend coming to stay to help me for the first week of bringing him home from the hospital. After two days, I found myself asking her if she would mind going as I just had to get on with it! Now I can see, looking back, that it was because I just couldn't handle having someone else around for that length of time.

So we made it through. Me with undiagnosed Asperger's and him with some kind of derivative of ASD. I used to watch him spinning the wheels of his toy cars for hours, wondering why he was so complex compared to other peoples' kids, dealing with very strange (what I now know were meltdowns) reactions to peculiar things, like being terrified of shiny tinsel curtains for example.

I was diagnosed last year and my son came along with me. He is the person who knows me best.
Judith Gould strongly advised him to try to get a diagnosis via NHS due to his age and funds etc.
He has not, partly due to not wanting an official label and partly from not wanting to take that step.

Anyway I am digressing (as per usual).

He is moving out with his partner who has been living with me for approximately 18 months.

This leaves me facing living totally on my own again for the first time in at least 29 years!

One could say I feel exhilarated, terrified, and excited all at once. It is like having a shot in the arm. I needed a change.

I am so full of plans, especially things I want to do at home, things I have procrastinated about for  years. Not so much things outside the home. My life consists of a 10 mile radius and that is how I like it. I make no apologies after all these years thinking I "should" want to do what other people do, eg. travel, go out to be sociable etc.

Yesterday I was sharing this with someone and they asked how I felt about the fact I would be living on my own. I told them that was the strange thing about how my AS manifests, I hardly ever feel alone. It is as if I have co.mpany all the time, what with my brain watching me, commenting on everything that is going on. A sense of self sufficiency. A world within a world.

So that is it for now. A quick update. It will be interesting to see just how well I do get on.